Editor's Note: The older I get, the more clearly I see that changing other people is like herding cats -- a challenging, no, almost impossible task. Self-improvement does not mean improving someone else.
In the long run, we are responsible for our own actions, so the only one we can really change successfully is ourself.
Success Through
Changing Yourself Firstby John Watson
When Christmas or any other festival which encourages family gatherings arrives, many people get irritated by their relatives and try to change their more annoying habits. This is usually a waste of time and tends to make matters worse.
Don't waste time when you try to change other people. Changing others is possible but the only person you can be sure of influencing is yourself. Even Jesus, who taught that we should give second chances and more, told his disciples to move on if their audience was not prepared to listen to them.
We are fortunate to be in charge of our own amazing bodies and minds and we can improve these as much as we want. We can read the books on self-improvement. We can buy the audios and watch the videos and, hopefully, take action.
We have a Rolls Royce or Ferrari of a brain in our heads; let's not leave it in the garage! We have amazing bodies which can easily be improved.
If we are not happy with the way we are, nothing can stop us changing. We can begin right now! How about a few sit ups and push ups? But let's not sit in front of the TV watching the football or the soaps unless we have earned a break. Alternatively we could still watch the TV and do sit ups at the same time.
The rest of the family might object so try to get them to join in! If necessary have your own TV in your own room. Have another TV in your spare room so that you can cycle or row or lift weights as you watch.
We can change physically in few weeks of starting the right diet and the right kind of exercise. Internal change – changing our attitude and mindset – can also occur quickly but it may take longer. It may take several seminars, audios, or books or minor successes before we start believing in ourselves and our abilities.
We might have thought for years that we were useless at making money. It may well take a year or more before we start believing that we can make money. It might, however, only take five minutes of reading a good book on the subject.
Changing ourselves can take imagination, effort and discipline. The great James Allen comments:
“Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound." James Allen 1864-1912
Freedom only comes when we decide to change and to do whatever it takes. Then life becomes exciting and even frightening and things start to happen.
Dr Edward de Bono, one of the world's leading authorities on how to think, has just written a book about having a beautiful mind. He suggests that people should spend more time trying to change and improve their minds rather than their bodies.
In an interview on BBC 1, he mentions the serious theory that humans developed the brain as a sexual attraction feature. Brains got better and better because that's what humans wanted in their mate. Obviously, good looks helped as well. 18 billion dollars are spent world wide on cosmetics to change the physical appearance. De Bono suggests you would be better off buying his book.
You can usually do more about your mind than you can about your physical appearance. As you get older, your mind can get more beautiful although your body may well become less beautiful.
Your beauty of mind will show itself in conversation, attitudes and behaviour. We will be less dogmatic and more interested in understanding the viewpoint of others.
Education, in the official sense alone, is not enough to create a beautiful mind. Many highly educated people have ugly minds. We have to learn how to use our minds. A beautiful mind is not about being right or wrong or knowing the facts.
De Bono says that he has met many highly educated people who have ugly minds and are stupid because a key source of stupidity is arrogance.
People who are arrogant think they know it all.
They cut off connections and don't listen because they believe no one can teach them anything. Too many educated people are like this.
Clearly their education has not been a complete one.
So work on changing yourself for the rest of your life. You can even become more beautiful than you were! Learn to think with an open mind and become a magnet of attraction!
If you do try to change other people, don't try to change their attitudes and behaviour. Teach people how to think about all the possible options. Teach them to have an open mind and respect the views of others.
Then their behaviour will improve because they will see the world differently.
Miners in South Africa from different tribes who were always fighting were taught to think but they were not taught to change their attitudes. However, their attitudes changed anyway as they began to think with open minds.
The number of fights dropped from 210 a month to 4 a month. Similar results have been experienced elsewhere.
If we learn to think without arrogant assumptions and to help others to do the same, the world might well become a more beautiful and peaceful place.
We will also discover the true power of our minds. We will become open to the huge learning resources now available to us in the 21st Century. We will become successful by changing ourselves first in both mind and body.
About the author
John Watson is an award winning teacher and fifth degree black belt martial arts instructor. He has recently written several books about achieving your goals and dreams.
One of his books: "36 Laws To Ignite Your Power And Achieve Your Dreams" is available at
www.motivationtoday.com/36_laws.php
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